Life is a Circus?

I received a text from an old male friend from Chi-town. It was a complete shock! We hadn’t spoken in over a year maybe two. I have always enjoyed talking with him and to receive his text put an enormous smile on my face. He is such a breath of fresh air when it comes to men.

Here is....
· Great communicator
· Very handy
· Knows how to cook
· Great sense of humor
· True gentleman
· Nice looking (not fine)
I am surprise he has not been taken off the market.

We had a very interesting conversation.
Chi-town: Good morning
Me: Good morning stranger, how r u doing? What’s new?
Chi-town: I know it’s been a while, new gig that’s about it how are u.
Me: What r u doing now? New gig for me…blah blah blah. How’s the fam?
Chi-town: account manager for blah blah. Family is cool and crazy and yours
Me: Fam is good…just pushing J in school blah blah blah. How long at the new gig? U finish ur book?
Chi-town: Yeah focus for boys is tuff, week 2 at the new gig, the book was dun a few years back, shopped it shelved it, since then I’ve experienced a hellva lot more. lol
Me: More what? Love?
Chi-town: More love more pain more debauchery, life is a circus you either the clown or the ringmaster.
Me: lol so true? Gosh that was a great analogy. I’m lol…I feel like the clown right now trying to become the ringmaster.
Chi-town: I just finished being the clown I think we all go through phases.
Me: Sorry to hear that. Relationships shouldn’t be so hard. How were u the clown? Usually u aren’t getting something u need/require from them.
Chi-town: exactly, nothing bogus like cheating
Me: I know, mine is communication blah blah
Chi-town: You preaching to the choir, this had a crazy blah blah and no relationship experience.
Me: lol…drama…sounds like me. I’m thinking too much drama
Chi-town: Right sometimes people make shit complex just because, anywho on a lighter note, what u build lately.

In your life do you feel like the "Clown" or the "Ringmaster"?

I feel like the clown in all areas of my life (job, relationship, & life). I feel like I'm getting the short in of the stick at work and my relationships. It feels like everything is eating at me.

What's Missing?

Lately, I have been feeling like things in my life are out of control. I'm not sure why I am feeling like this. I think because I'm unhappy with a few things in my life - my job and love life. That was hard to say "Love Life."

My friend's, Tiffany, wedding was this weekend. It was really nice, but at the same time difficult. I am not sure if you understand. Let me make it clear.

I purchase another wig last week, because I was tired of the other wig hanging in my face and I'm trying to allow my hair to grow. It's a short wig with hair in my face and taper in the back. It's cute. So, I got up shampooed (as my sister would say - you shampoo your hair and wash a car. lol) my hair with HairVeda Amala Cream Rinse (Creamy & Mild Cleanser) that I purchased about five month ago. I actually like the way my hair felt afterwards. It wasn't the squeaky clean feeling I get from my shampoo bar, but more of the clean, light and fluffy feel. I deep conditioned with HairVeda SitriNillah, which works fine until I find something else I like better. Then I twisted my hair with Mango and Lime Gel. I should have started twisting my hair at 1:30pm, instead of 2:30 since I need to be out the door for Tiffany's wedding at 3:45pm - 4:00pm.


I'm rushing around the house trying my darnest to get out of the house, but couldn't leave until I had J take my picture. I only allow him to take a head shot, because I really need to tight the back up. I get into my car, entered the address in my GPS and off I went. The wedding is suppose to start at 4:30pm and my GPS said I should arrive at 4:40pm. This is one time I hope the wedding doesn't start on time. lol I get there at the 4:40pm. I'm not really feeling the wedding, because of my love life. However, I am extremely happy for Tiffany and know once the wedding starts my heartache will surpass.

The wedding wasn't at a church, which I thought it was until the wedding day. I talk to Tiffany at least twice a week on my way to work, but we had never discussed where the wedding would take place. It at a dance studio. So I walked in very confused were to sit and since I didn't know anyone I was perplexed where to even sit. I sat at a table in the back with an older women, her daughter and her daughter boyfriend. I was uncomfortable, but just sat and waited for the Tiffany.

The dj started playing Usher's Here I Stand and the wedding party starts proceeding in and then Tiffany comes in on Whitney's I Believe in You and Me. WHY ME? I look at her and she looks so beautiful and tears well up in my eyes. Not only, because she looks beautiful, because the song just makes me think of what I don't have - A Love Life. So, I texted my girlfriend, Lolly.

Me: My friend looks beautiful...this is torture.

Lolly: I know...just keep reminding urself that ur turn is soon! Be happy for her and pray for her marriage to b successful and as strong as u want urs. Know its hard.

Me: I am extremely happy 4 her and happy to be here despite everything that's going on.

Lolly: I know...try to keep being positive. Its our turn very very soon! Relax and enjoy the day.

The ceremony was nice and quick. The menu was Oven Fried Chicken (darker than I like, but tasty), Mashed Potatoes with gravy, Pasta Con broccoli (it wasn't the Pasta House). The cake was great - vanilla, chocolate and yellow. They had the toast and Tiffany said, "It's time to get the party started." The dj started plays the Cupid Shuffle and then the Mariah Carey slide. I wasn't about to get all sweaty with Mariah Carey. Then the dj started Michael Jackson and we have a Michael Jackson dancer in the house and the kids are having a ball dancing. I'm ready to leave, but the dj is doing is job and I stay another hour, but I'm tired. The two glass of wine didn't help. I couldn't wait to get home to my bed, but I have to stop and get J some McDonald's. He wants the new Angus Bacon Burger with a Sprite (the number 15, I think).



I get home and talk to Lolly, because she going to a barbecue and asked me to join. I'm not interested. I just want to get chill at home and writing in my journal and watch a movie. I could here Jill Scott on Lolly end of the phone. The radio is play NeoSoul hour Slow Surely, which I forgot about this song. As right now the song is very fitting.

Now, I need to work on to get things in order. Get rid of Slow Surely and search for a new career opportunity. I know what's been missing and that's my daily walk with God. I said it and I'm not proud of it. I get so busy with daily life that I don't put God first or him on the shelve.

What's Missing In Your Life & How Are You Going To Obtain The Missing Piece(s)?

My Life According To Jill Scott

I first run across Two Brothers sharing his life according to Jay-Z two weeks ago and I knew right away that I would do this using Maxwell. Just before lunch, I pulled out my iPod and started searching for Maxwell songs that would fit. When I return from lunch, I immediately started surfing blogs and ran across Chocolate Orchid and she beat me to Maxwell. See, I need to stop procrastinating. I still could have used Maxwell, but Jill Scott is my girl.

Pick Your Artist: Jill Scott

Are you a male or female: Golden

Describe yourself: The Real Thing

How do you feel: He Loves Me

Describe where you currently live: Kingdom Come

If you could go anywhere, where would you go: Family Reunion

Your favorite form of transportation: A Long Walk

Your favorite friend is: Crown Royal...lol

Your favorite color is: Honey Molasses

What's the weather like: Love Rain

Favorite time of the day: 8 Minutes To Sunrise

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called: Show Me

What is life to you: I Think It's Better

Your relationships: He Loves Me

Your fear: Insomnia/Good Morning Heartache

What is the best advice you have to give: Let It Be

If you could change your name, you would change it to: Epiphany

Thought of the day: I Need You

How I would like to die: Can't Explain

My soul's present condition: It's Love

My Motto: I'm Not Afraid

Pick your favorite artist and have some fun! Let a sista know if you decide to have a little fun.

Love ya'll!

I Just Can't Shake Him

Have you ever had that one special person in your life that you just can't shake? You think what was so special about them and when you really start taking a good hard look they aren't that special. lol I have that person in my life.

We meet my freshman year away in college and when I first met him I really wasn't attractive to him, but it was night outside and I couldn't really see him. Then the next day when I say DJ I was like...OMG!!!! That's the brotha that was talking to me last night. I was smiting. :o)

A number of years have passed and I lost contact with him by choice, but throughout the years I would wonder how he was doing. In October 2008, I got a chance to see him, because I went to our college's Homecoming for the weekend. I was extremely happy to see him and he looked better than I had remembered. :o)

Now I can't shake him out of my mind. First, I know a relationship with him is out of the question due to the distance. I try to limit the contact, because I just don't see a future.

It has been said to get a man out of your mind/heart you just replace him with another man, but I don’t have that option. This is very uncomfortable, because I don’t want this person to be on my mind so strongly. It’s just not healthy.

Have you ever put yourself in a position that was uncomfortable? What did you do to turn it around?

Aunt Bee

Yesterday, my Dad's sister, Bee, called. My heart dropped, because she has never called me. So the first thing out of my mouth was, "Is everything okay." It was good news. Her oldest son is getting married in June. When I saw her over Thanksgiving she wasn't sure if there actually would be a wedding.


I'm not close to my Dad's side of the family. I really don't know what happen, but I have my opinion. However, recently, I have been interested in reconnecting with friends and family members. So when I was in Memphis, for Thanksgiving, I made an effort to visit some of my family. It was really nice seeing them, but I haven't connected with them since and now with the wedding two months away I'm excited about seeing everyone again.


I told me Aunt that I would ask my sister to come, because she hasn't had any contact with them since a toddler, which is sad. My aunt said, "She'll probably look at us and say I don't know them people." I was laughing inside, because I could see her face and her saying those exact words.


I really hope my sister will consider coming to the wedding. I really believe it will be good for all of us (Daddy, big sis and lil sis) to be together for this event.


I have found it hard to rebuild relationship with people. It's like you have a pattern/plan that you are following (or doing) and it seems difficult (or you can say focus) to add them into your routine. I'll make a conscious effort to allow them in my life for a while and then they fizzle out. I know it takes both people to work in relationships and friendships.


I always remember a card I received, over fifteen year ago, from a friend. In the card she wrote, "Friendships are only for a season." I told her that we would be friends forever. Guess what? We aren't friends today, but if I saw her it wouldn't be any hard feelings.


Then, I didn't understand, but people are only in our lives for a season and it's important that we value them for as long as they are. However, I know some people you need to let go, because they don't mean you any good.


Do you need to reconnect with someone today, if so who and why?